i love food. so much that when i am not thinking about food, i am surfing through a food blog or i am talking about food. my conversations with friends revolve around food and sometimes… clothes. but even when i discuss clothes it all comes down to how i can’t get into a certain size or style because i have been stuffing my face with a chocolate croissant practically every day.
i have made innumerable attempts at dieting. GM diet, no-salt diet, yoga diet, vegetarian diet, no-sweets diet, no food diet, lots of water diet, fruit diet, celebrity diet, expensive diets, professional diet. and they have failed miserably. i managed with a professional diet for a few years but it never got me a size zero.
hardcore exercise has never really impressed me. i have even been down that route. yoga, spinning, gym after work, gym during lunch, nutritionist at the gym for an effective diet plan, ten rounds in the park, jogging on the spot, skipping, hot yoga, cold yoga, no yoga. i can do a 30 minute routine everyday but it’s the food that i need to ignore.
salads never get my attention, nutella does. fruits never get my attention, mousse does. raw veggies never get my attention, vegetable makhnie does. cardboard flakes don’t get my attention, chocos do. there is so much yummy-ness out there that i feel guilty when i choose a salad over a creamy lasagne. i thrive on delicious food.
why is it so easy to gain weight and so tough to lose? it’s unfair.
i will spend hours looking at the sodium contents, fat, calories in a pack of biscuits but walk away with a pack of vanilla oreos. i can talk endlessly about how we must eat healthy and then end up having paneer makhnie for dinner. i will say i am on a diet but will cheat with buttery, garlicy, shallow fried goodness and pretend like its diet food.
i know innumerable boot camp exercises, i know websites that help me track my weight, i have read books on how to lose weight and not your mind (that’s the title of one of the books), i can drop names of people who have lost tonnes of weight by just jogging on the spot, i have given my bum a hard time in a spinning class, i have bought clothes a size smaller in the hope of getting into them one day, i have even imagined a size zero me to get there faster.
sometimes i feel i should be happy with my ‘pleasantly plumpness’ but the fear of not fitting into my 28 size jeans freaks me out, not able to buy well fitted clothes scares me, looking like a tent in a dress makes me want to cry.
i have turned 30 now, i think my body can’t take the yummy-ness anymore. i am reaching out for fruits more often than a cheesy croissant. i have forgotten what white bread tastes like. i eat bran roti with veggies and imagine the smell of a butter garlic naan in my head. i haven’t touched a chocolate for months. muffins, chips are long gone. i pass a mcd and i am happy to just smell the fries. i pass an indian punjabi restaurant and i stand still for a few minutes just to inhale the buttery, creamy, spicy aroma. i have green teas instead of chocolatey frappuccinos.
and then i dream about food.
so, the bottomline is… after all this will i ever be a size zero in this lifetime? hmmm… maybe. maybe not.