we all want our little stories.

sitting in the warm winter sun holding a cup of hot chocolate, all i wanted to do was nothing.

after really busy weekends, this was the one i was longing for.

i wanted to slow down, take it easy, not rush through things, think about taking a long holiday, not think about work, not think about what i had not done, definitely not think about what i was supposed to do.

so i stared at the green grass and asked myself, ‘what is it that i keep looking for?’

and i thought… i guess, i am always looking for my own little story?

stories i want to tell my children, my grandchildren.

stories that are mine, that will make me laugh even at 75.

stories worth telling.

we all want our little stories, don’t we?

and honestly, nobody is interested in a boring story.

i don’t want to be a boring story.

i like my ups and downs, i like the twists and turns my story takes, i like when life doesn’t go my way because i know i am about to create a new story, good or bad? well… i won’t know until it happens.

but to create these little stories, i must allow myself to make mistakes, to go somewhere new, to be open, to do what i have never done before, to take that leap of faith.

because in the end, we’re all just stories. aren’t we?

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18.5

this is a little note for a very very close friend who is finally finally going to tie the knot.

niki, this one’s for you. 🙂 hugs.

18.5 days

to caring for someone new.

to a new life, to becoming someone’s wife.

to a 3rd set of parents.

to no more lying to your parents.

to little conflicts – ‘to change name after marriage or not’

or… to bigger ones like the colour of curtains bought.

to your new nameplate on the door.

to non-stop sex on the cold floor.

to early morning hugs.

to happy sleepless nights.

to ‘what to cook tonight’ or well… most of the times ‘takeaway tonight?’

to find a maid or not.

to clean the house or not.

to cooking together, to cleaning together, to looking after each other.

to not always doing things together.

to little surprises.

to learning new things.

to discovering each other.

18.5 days. to your Happy Wedding Day.

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why i will never be size zero.

i love food. so much that when i am not thinking about food, i am surfing through a food blog or i am talking about food. my conversations with friends revolve around food and sometimes… clothes. but even when i discuss clothes it all comes down to how i can’t get into a certain size or style because i have been stuffing my face with a chocolate croissant practically every day.

i have made innumerable attempts at dieting. GM diet, no-salt diet, yoga diet, vegetarian diet, no-sweets diet, no food diet, lots of water diet, fruit diet, celebrity diet, expensive diets, professional diet. and they have failed miserably. i managed with a professional diet for a few years but it never got me a size zero.

hardcore exercise has never really impressed me.  i have even been down that route. yoga, spinning, gym after work, gym during lunch, nutritionist at the gym for an effective diet plan, ten rounds in the park, jogging on the spot, skipping, hot yoga, cold yoga, no yoga. i can do a 30 minute routine everyday but it’s the food that i need to ignore.

salads never get my attention, nutella does. fruits never get my attention, mousse does. raw veggies never get my attention, vegetable makhnie does. cardboard flakes don’t get my attention, chocos do. there is so much yummy-ness out there that i feel guilty when i choose a salad over a creamy lasagne. i thrive on delicious food.

why is it so easy to gain weight and so tough to lose? it’s unfair.

i will spend hours looking at the sodium contents, fat, calories in a pack of biscuits but walk away with a pack of vanilla oreos. i can talk endlessly about how we must eat healthy and then end up having paneer makhnie for dinner. i will say i am on a diet but will cheat with buttery, garlicy, shallow fried goodness and pretend like its diet food.

i know innumerable boot camp exercises, i know websites that help me track my weight, i have read books on how to lose weight and not your mind (that’s the title of one of the books), i can drop names of people who have lost tonnes of weight by just jogging on the spot, i have given my bum a hard time in a spinning class, i have bought clothes a size smaller in the hope of getting into them one day, i have even imagined a size zero me to get there faster.

sometimes i feel i should be happy with my ‘pleasantly plumpness’ but the fear of not fitting into my 28 size jeans freaks me out, not able to buy well fitted clothes scares me, looking like a tent in a dress makes me want to cry.

i have turned 30 now, i think my body can’t take the yummy-ness anymore. i am reaching out for fruits more often than a cheesy croissant. i have forgotten what white bread tastes like. i eat bran roti with veggies and imagine the smell of a butter garlic naan in my head. i haven’t touched a chocolate for months. muffins, chips are long gone. i pass a mcd and i am happy to just smell the fries. i pass an indian punjabi restaurant and i stand still for a few minutes just to inhale the buttery, creamy, spicy aroma. i have green teas instead of chocolatey frappuccinos.

and then i dream about food.

so, the bottomline is… after all this will i ever be a size zero in this lifetime? hmmm… maybe. maybe not.

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on why we should never stop believing.

believe in something. believe in love, miracles, the universe.

believe that god is actually in your best friend, in your better half, in your parents, in your teacher, in that little coffee shop that puts a smiley on your cappuccino on a bad day, in that waiter who is happy to see you after a long time, in that stranger who holds the lift for you when you’re running late, in that day that starts with your favourite song.

believe that strangers could become soul mates.

believe in a tiny idea, for it has the power to become something beautiful.

believe in magic.

in your gut, your instincts.

believe that your mind is a powerhouse, it can create something extraordinary.

believe that life is short, because it is.

believe that you need to feed your soul too.

when you believe in something, you chase it, you don’t care what others have to say, you take that leap of faith, you know things will fall in place.

and when they do, you just never stop believing.

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the joy of creating.

there is something so pure and beautiful about creating things with your own hands. first the list of things to make, the sticky glue, the messy paint, little pieces of paper, choosing the right wrapping paper, the gift bag, the attention to detail, and of course the immense satisfaction, the joy of giving.

last week was exciting. i was at the fag end of finishing my little gifts for two special friends. it was almost like return gifts for my surprise birthday party in south africa. i would have never ever imagined that i would get one so far far away from home. it deserves a separate, detailed blog. coming very soon.

till then here’s my little joy of giving gifts.

the ‘nutella in heaven’ canvas for anjna who can have nutella with pretty much anything. and i mean anything. give her a chance and she can even mix nutella with some chivda and go crunch crunch. my second crochet scarf which makes me so proud, in her favourite colour. one little photo frame designed/written like a newspaper cutting with a picture of anjna with her husband having a good time with of course a crazy article. some chocolates and a ‘shop till husband drops’ gift card.

the next one is for kavita. she can have dessert and only dessert even for a 7 course meal.  who needs food when you can have dessert? that’s kavita. a blue and white scarf to keep her warm and happy in winter. a photo frame of beautifully captured moments with her husband, of course with a twist in the writing. a gift card to keep the girl in her happy. and some more joy coated with chocolate.

i think, unexpected gifts make life so much more special.

the ear-to-ear smiles said it all.

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on learning how to crochet.

for me, crocheting has become the most therapeutic thing ever. even better than a head massage.

for the past few weeks, i had this feeling that there is so much energy within me and i need to do something that calms me down, that makes my soul feel a tad bit pampered, that i must create something!

until, a super duper talented friend at work – joe (who also taught me how to make rice crispes :)) started teaching me how to crochet.

we began with pretty scarfs :). i have never ever done it before and now that i know a tad bit about how to do it, i feel like i was really missing out on something so beautiful for so many years.

since then, i have been at peace with myself.

the joyous feeling of creating something, making something beautiful out of the long strands of wool really makes me happy. the cozy feeling of wool, the happy colours put a smile on my face.

and now i can’t seem to put it down. i want to crochet all day, all night and see myself creating gorgeous scarfs. for now :).

the first one went to a friend’s pet dog – rosie, here in johannesburg.

so, it’s a little lesson on life, try new things, try things you’ve never done before and then do more of what made you happy.

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the internet is an amazing thing.

it opens my eyes to things unseen.

it takes me to places i have never been.

it reminds me not to stop, because there is so much out there.

it keeps my heart beating for so much more.

it shows me what i can do.

it tells me how to do what i want to do.

it never gives up on me, pops search options so that i can go on.

it makes me get out of my chair and makes me do things.

it never lets me down.

it introduces me to music i have never heard, to movies i have never seen.

the internet is truly an amazing thing.

here’s why.

 

 

 

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